Quick update: I had my meeting with Russ, and as I figured, the solution to the problem will be simple. Onward and forward!
The rest of my entry today is on moving away and losing touch, which has had me kind of bummed out lately. This has been brought up in my mind a lot lately: the knowledge that I have a friend getting married soon and I will know no one at the wedding, and also the periodic thoughts of my Dad and the disappointing show of support from old friends at home when he passed. As much as I like going home, it's sometimes a reminder of just how much I have drifted away from people I care very much about, and I can sometimes paradoxically feel lonely even when I'm not alone.
In a couple of days I will be heading home to Connecticut for the last long visit in a very long time. I will be starting a whole new chapter in my life. My friends who never left CT won't know what I'm feeling, you have to go away at least once in your life to "get it". The first chapter was East Hartford, and everything that existed in that tiny sphere. Then was Altoona, PA: two years where I made whole new friends and first experienced not being "home". Then was State College, the undergraduate years: I changed friends a lot, and sadly not very many relationships lasted because I flipped between campuses. My one year hiatus between undergrad and graduate school was like a blur, one long year spent in a job I hated, regretting that I didn't spend more time with my mom and dad.
I'm just finishing up the final pages of my most recent life chapter. My master's experience has been the most fulfilling experience, albeit the most chaotic. I have made relationships that I feel more confident in. I'm moving to New Mexico with a wonderful guy, and Mouse and Dave are also (oddly enough) moving to a town that is just over an hour away. Aubreya is in New Orleans, Sam is going to Alabama. We, and others, are dispersing across the country to continue our lives, but I don't feel the sadness and loss I would have expected several years ago. We have cars, we can fly, and travel is something I am not only open to, but excited about. I don't feel confined by distance. I have all these wonderful friends in cool places, and I can't wait to go!
When I move to New Mexico, I plan on making new friends. This is something I am committed to, so look out Albuquerque, there will be dinner parties and I will find my New Mexican dive bar to call my own. I also intend to keep my old friends, even those from CT who I have drifted apart from. I urge you, come to New Mexico. I'll have a spot for you in my home. The desert is beautiful, and I'll be at the foot of some awesome mountains as well.
I'll also miss you.
I know Albquerque is much further away than State College, and the reality is that if people couldn't make it to PA to see me, they won't likely get to the Southwestern part of the country either. However, I will say this: flying is a lot less effort than driving for 6 hours. Plus, I'm hoping to save up on vouchers and miles, so it may not cost you much more than your time.
Things are about to change. I won't be able to do long weekend trips to CT for the little things anymore, trips will need to be planned out in advance. I hope friends can appreciate the spontanious visits I have made over the past few years, sadly they won't happen again for some time.
16 hours ago
"I know Albquerque is much further away than State College, and the reality is that if people couldn't make it to PA to see me, they won't likely get to the Southwestern part of the country either."
ReplyDeleteI experienced something similar to this when I went from Oregon to being in the Navy in Connecticut and then eventually school there. There can be lots of good intentions or ideas for planning a visit, however most of them do not materialize. The most frustrating part for me, that you may not deal with, is that I would find out after the fact some relative visited Boston or New York City that didn't bother to say hi. Perhaps it was out of ignorance of the proximity of things in New England, or just lack of foresight, feeling snubbed still hurts the same.
"My friends who never left CT won't know what I'm feeling, you have to go away at least once in your life to "get it"."
There's nothing like a move of several thousand miles to make the demarcation between the the current life chapter and the next one quite distinct. For the most part my life has been considered before the Navy, or after the Navy, now there's a new third chapter with my return to Oregon. In regards to people in general that haven't made a big move, it is hard for them to fully appreciate the gravity of a big move like that, and how it is FAR different than just visiting far away places. It's one thing to visit a distant location and think that you could handle it there, to making that leap and being in a situation where you can't easily return to the previous place, the "safe" place.
"When I move to New Mexico, I plan on making new friends. This is something I am committed to, so look out Albuquerque, there will be dinner parties and I will find my New Mexican dive bar to call my own. "
Bravo on the positive attitude! What makes a place truly enjoyable is not just what things are there, but the people that you know there. It's harder in particular for an introvert to go and make new friends, but they do come with time. Plus, being in a PhD program, you know you'll be there 4+ years, so that's plenty of time to feel like you can really settle in .